Idiot shoppers

What has my panties in a twist this time? Idiot shoppers. I know that's a broad catch-all, but that term sums up my feelings perfectly.

Who are these people? Where do they come from? How do we get rid of them, permanently?

These are the people who stand two abreast in the middle of the aisle, while they debate the merits of organic versus all-natural. Pick one and fucking move! Or the lady who stands with the freezer door open for 5 minutes while she browses the low calorie frozen food (this lady already weighs 300 pounds and has half the cart filled with movie theatre popcorn and coke). Then there are those people who dart out into traffic and glare at you if you don't come to a screeching stop. But the GED idiots that really piss me off are those jacklop assholes that bring a completely filled cart to the self serve checkout station and then proceed to clusterfuck the hell out of the machine until it finally stops working. Firstly (is that a proper adverb? Fuck you, it is now), why are you slowing up the self checkout stations with your 493 items? Yes, I know that those stations aren't specifically to customers with 5 items or less but when I'm on a quick in and out for a loaf of bread, waiting on you to scan 50 cans of low salt green beans is irksome. Secondly, learn to use the damn machine! Start slow, maybe a Kit Kat or something else that your overweight fat ass doesn't need. Continuing to push buttons just because you fucked it up doesn't work either. There is a reason for the friendly cashiers at the other stations. They, unlike you, have completed high school and can operate a cash register. Finally, these idiots can't seem to even follow instructions on paying for their damn useless shit. Insert cash or select payment type. Okay, why are you trying to use a gift card (with a zero balance, no less) as a debit card? Use cash, jerky, and save us all the embarrassment of your dumbass trying to live life like a visa commercial.

Is it just me or are there more and more people from the shallow end of the gene pool trying to dive in with the rest of us? At the rate these idiots seem to be multiplying, I'm going to have to start siding with those creationist/intelligent design folks. 'Cause evolution is obviously a big fucking joke if we haven't sent these idiot shoppers to the evolutionary clearance aisle, right next to the Neanderthals and TV evangelists.