A slight rant

Perhaps you've heard of scream therapy? It's one of those new age therapy ideas whereby a person bellows at the top of their lungs in a wordless roar. The idea behind it is to tap into whatever inner rage you have and release it as a form of catharsis.

This post will be a slightly different take on scream therapy. I'm going to scream, but it sure as fuck won't be wordless. If you are easily offended, you should prolly stop reading now. Don't say I didn't warn you.

There is a person at school with whom I am at loggerheads. That's the nice way of saying it. How I really want to phrase it goes like this: This fucking cock smoking cunt whore at school is about two seconds away from getting a foot up her ass. This stupid bitch has decided to wage a war against me because she has decided that she doesn't like me. I can understand not getting along with someone, as I commonly don't get along with 99% of the planet. But this dumbass bitch has made it personal. And dammit all to hell, when you make things personal, that shit simply won't fly with me. When someone thinks they can slander me with impunity, speak to me like I was their fucking dog and treat me like I am shit they scraped off their shoe, I react. And I will react. I will fucking make her life a damned cesspool of shit so deep she'll be swimming in it for years.


Ah, I feel much, mcuh better now. It reminds me of my time spent as a bouncer in college when some dumbass frat boy would throw a beer on me as he hurled invectives. I always, without fail, had the last word.

Nose Hair

This time it's something a little less serious.

Why do we have nose hair? I know the scientific answer: they act as filters to keep debris and other particles from entering our lungs. But as I've gotten older, it seems like my body feels the need to filter out particles the size of Honda Civics judging by the length and number of hairs accumulating in my nostrils. You would think that evolution would have provided a better answer for filtration than nose hair.

And don't even get me started on the fucking hair in my ears!

Christian Hypocrisy

I've got a bone to pick (what, you thought this would be a shiny happy post? Read the title of the blog, dumbass). Who am I grinding my axe against this time? Christians.

More and more, especially given the intense (and intrusive) media coverage in today's society, we see some religious leader condemning someone or something because of a moral failing or sin. And every last time I see a "Christian" castigating another human being my blood pressure rises just a bit. I won't claim to be a great biblical scholar, but I could hold my own in a theological debate. And nowhere, in any translation you care to name, have I ever read where Christ told his disciples to point their finger at someone who sinned and say "Shame on you".

Their popularity has waned over the last few years, but everyone has heard of or seen one of those silly plastic bracelets inscribed with "WWJD". "What Would Jesus Do". Whenever I see one of these "Christian leaders" stand on their bully pulpit spitting scorn and derision at whatever their target of the day is, I can't help but wonder what exactly would Jesus do in the same situation? If Jesus were among us today, would he be in support of gay marriage? I think it would be a safe bet to say probably not. Would he, with the same breath, condemn those people that are gay, telling them they will burn in hell for their sins? I would honestly have to say, probably not. Wait, before you get all pissed off, let's look at a really good example here, two in fact (I don't have the relevant book, chapter and verse for you, nor have I ever cared to memorize it...I'm sure there are people in hell who can quote the Bible, much like there are people in heaven who never learned to read so I don't think memorizing scripture is high on God's wish list for us). Jesus had two encounters with women who liked a pinch and tickle from men who weren't their husbands. In both instances, we don't see Christ pointing the finger of blame or even of superiority. In the case of the adulteress, he does the opposite. He points the finger at those who are condemning her for her misdeeds. The second instance is where he meets a prostitute at a well. No scorn or mockery, just simple understanding. Yes, he tells her to stop whoring (in so many words) but he never condescends or insults her.

Yes, I can hear the Bible thumpers screaming now: God hates sinners! Um, no, he doesn't. God hates sin. Big, big difference. Yeah, God wiped out Sodom and Gamora because they were having crazy butt sex with each other. But God didn't hate them. Those people lived under the old law that did not include the dispensation of grace (for those of you that rode the short bus to Sunday school, grace is the thing that allows us to ask God for forgiveness when we do sin...prior to Christ, there was no grace). That's what the old law was all about: follow the rules or die, there was no other option. Man, I really got off track there, but I felt it necessary to offer a pre-emptive counter argument.

So, we have two examples where Christ himself was in a situation to point the finger of blame and instead chose to extend the hand of compassion. Now, seeing as the word Christian literally means "Christ-like", shouldn't everyone who professes to be a Christian be following his example? Instead we get a holier than thou attitude more in line with those pesky enemies of Christ, the Pharisees. So when I see someone who calls themselves a Christian stand up and deride another person (Christian or no) it really makes me wonder just how "Christian" they truly are? Furthermore, one of Christ's commandments was to love one another, not piss on them when they are down. Yet, all to often, these "Christians" are the first to point out the flaws in others or condemn them for their failings.

So, if you have ever asked yourself, what would Jesus do if he were among us today? He'd probably sit down and cry over those people who condemn others while professing to live by his word. Then, I'd like to think, he'd (pardon the expression) come down on them like the hand of God. Lord knows that some of them deserve it.

Send his kids

So, Jenna Bush is getting married Saturday. It's a big ol' Texas sized wedding at the Dubya ranch. My question is this: Why isn't she in the Army, fighting in Iraq?

Michael Moore, one of my most favorite people in the whole world, asked some Congressmen with children of enlistment age if they would tell their kids to sign up for the armed services (the responses he got ranged from silly to hostile. You can watch it on the Fahrenheit 9/11. Everyone needs to watch that movie). The idea that these people WHO VOTED TO GO TO WAR wouldn't want their kid in a war zone is just plain disgusting. That's like saying to your kids that you can buy your sundries from Walmart but there is no way in hell they're going to work there.

So, why isn't Jenna over there? Or Barbara (Dubya's daughter, not his mother)? How is that Dubya can send tens of thousands of OTHER PEOPLE'S KIDS to a war but he won't tell his own children to go? In damn near every speech he gives on Iraq, Dubya talks about how great an honor it is for the US service men and women deployed over there, how they are fighting to enrich the lives of the noble Iraqi people. Well, if it's so fucking great, why aren't his daughters over there? Does avoiding active military duty run in the family?

And before you start, I actually did sign up for the Army. I was a delayed entry recruit, signing up in the summer before my senior year in high school. Unfortunately, a car accident robbed me of my hearing, disqualifying me from going. Maybe that's why the Bush twins can't go. Maybe they tried, but got disqualified for some reason? Shit, Prince Harry was in Afghanistan. It's a sad day in American history when the British will send their royalty to fight but our elected officials scoff at the idea of their own sons and daughters in harm's way.

Redundancy at it's finest

My mother is one of those home decorator types. You have to see her house to appreciate it. There isn't a wall or bare space in the joint that doesn't have some type of decoration. It's like something you would see in Southern Living or something.

So it wasn't too much of a surprise that she has decorations in her laundry room. What was a bit jarring was the decoration itself. I love my mother to death but even I was a bit disconcerted by the wood lettering on the wall next to the washer and dryer. It reads: Laundry. Isn't that just a bit redundant? I mean, that's like putting a sign over the toilet that reads: Shit here.

I'm as much a fan of decorating your has as the next person, but this is just a bit too much, I think.

My word is bond...a junk bond

What the hell ever happened to keeping your word? You know, you tell someone you'll do something ("Yes, I'll wax your cat") but then never show up as promised? Did personal integrity drop off the map?

I am ashamed to admit it, but I was once like this. Very fly by the seat of my pants. Tell you one thing and forget about it the next minute. It took a very rude awakening for me to realize that giving your personal oath on something actually means something. To wit: I was in high school, 16 or 17, and I was mowing lawns over the summer to make some money for various things, including the upcoming marching season for color guard. I had a friend who offered to pay the full amount of my fees if I would tend his yard every week for the whole summer. One, this was a sweetheart deal because my fees were somewhere to the tune of $500 bucks and two, this guy had a yard the size of my bathtub. "Sure, I'll do it!" A few weeks went by with no problem, but then I skipped a week. "Sorry about that, I was busy". Then another week. And after that, it was purely hit or miss as to whether I actually showed up or not. Finally, he pulled me aside and told me that he would square up with me for the work I had done so far but no longer had need of my services. He needed someone he could depend on. Man, that really cut deep. This was someone who I looked up to and admired. Total burning bush moment for me. From that point on, if I said it, I did it, end of story.

Why is it so hard for people to follow through with what they say they will do? Has the country become so narcissistic that it's become a land of self-centered egomaniacs who don't give a shit about everyone else?

And before you ask, this wasn't prompted by any one thing or person, just something I've had on my mind recently. But we really need to start holding each other more accountable for their personal vows, don't you think? Otherwise the whole country will turn into the Bush administration.

Church and State

I thought I would post some clarifications on my stance on church and state and the separations thereof. I'm not one of those red staters that think we need to arm every child with a bible and a burning conviction to win the heathens to Jesus. Nor am I a blue stater who feels that even mentioning God somehow interferes with my civil liberties. I think we should allow people to worship, and yes expose other people to their religion, even if that means letting a holy roller set up a voluntary bible distribution desk on school property. However, by the same token, I also feel that we shouldn't allow that same school to hold a school function where they are told to prefer one religion over another, or that all religions are bad, or some such. The difference in this? The former is choice, the latter is coercion. Let's look just a minute at why there is even a church and state separation after all.


The Pilgrims (you know, those Puritan folk from England, Plymouth Rock, Thanksgiving and all that) were condemned in their own country for their religious beliefs. They came to the new world to escape the political persecution they received in their home country (oddly enough, the Puritans were some of the most religiously intolerant people on the block. When they were in power after the English Civil War, they were some of the most vigorous people in stamping out other religions invading on their own). The same thing goes for Lord Baltimore and the Catholics in Maryland (and the Quakers in Pennsylvania and so on. In fact, most of the northern colonies were established as religious havens).


These people grew up in an era of government sponsored religious persecution and intolerance. So when they fought to create an independent state from England, one of their first orders of business was to create a government that would not endorse one specific religion over any others. Hence the Freedom of Religion inclusion in the first Amendment. Further, they drafted language to state that government will be free of religious influence. All of this was to insure that they could worship peacefully without fear of persecution.


Nowhere is there any indication that our "founding fathers" ever intended to keep any religious ideas out of schools or government. No, what they wanted to make sure of was that those schools weren't espousing one brand of religion over another. Or that the federal government would suddenly taken up Buddhism and make everyone convert or die.

There is a world of difference between saying "we don't mind if you bring ideas into our schools" and "we want our school children to follow this religious doctrine". Just because I listen to those Jehovah's Witness ladies that come to the house every Friday morning doesn't mean that I'm endorsing their religion (I'm too nice to scream at them and I don't want to deal with the trouble I would get in if I answered the door stark naked). I'm simply allowing them to explain their religion. There is nothing wrong with giving someone the opportunity to volunteer information about something they are passionate about, religion included. Even if that means they are handing out bibles to kids at the lunch lines. The problem would be, and this is where the idea of church and state needs to be separated, if the school MADE those children take the bibles. Entirely different scenario there.

Hmm, not much clarity in that is there? Well, it's a murky issue. You've got people who scream because little Johnny wants to pray during class but whole-heartedly approve of the President swearing in on the bible. Personally, I would let little Johnny pray and scream my head off at Dubya, but that's just me.

Idiots and their idiot sayings

Spring time is upon us. I don't know what the weather is like in your part of the world, but here, spring time is the beginning of some seriously hot and humid weather. The thermometer regularly hits 80 before May and the humidity is like a wet blanket. Just like flowers blooming and birds returning, jacklop idiots are another rite of spring. In this case, it's one of the fucking stupidest phrases known to man.

Every time the weather takes a turn for the sweltering, invariably some idiot will utter the phrase, "Hot enough for ya?" As if the sweat dripping down my face was some indication that, no, I'm actually a bit on the cold side, moron. Why in God's name would you ask someone if it's "hot enough" for them? What exactly does that mean? That despite a high temperature and a cloudless sky, I should somehow be discontent with my discontent? Jackasses, all of 'em.

I've been tempted, although some inner restraint has held me back, to reply to one of the GED morons that, no, it's not hot enough for me. Yeah, I'd like to see it hotter, actually. Maybe somewhere around 212 degrees, then we could all boil into soup.

No Habla, No Service

Why, why, why does McDonalds have a "Now Hiring" sign in both English AND Spanish? I'm going to play the obtuse card here and try and figure this one out.

We live in a country where the vast majority of the population speaks English (or at least a very limited version of it). It's been that way since about the time the Constitution was finally ratified. Why then, are we pandering to people who refuse to learn English? Maybe its naivete on my part, but if you are going to leave your country of origin and move to a completely foreign country, shouldn't you at least attempt a basic grasp of your new country's language? I mean, if I were to pick up and move to France (not that I ever would...EVER) then I would damn well make sure that I could speak passing French. 'Cause I'm damn sure that French businesses wouldn't be accommodating to my lack of language skills. Sure, tourists get an out because they are only there for a short time, but a permanent resident? Yeah, I'd be about as popular as small pox.

So why are we enabling these immigrants to continue to withstand learning a new language? Hey, I know that English is a tough language to master (don't believe me? Try to have an intelligent conversation with a 17 year old. That's an exercise in futility). But where is the problem in asking someone who wishes to live here to learn to speak the lingua franca?

Now, I'm not one of these "patriotic" (re: insane zealots) types who is endorsing a government edict creating English as the national language. But I don't think its too much to ask that if you move to this country, you speak the language that 90% of the rest of us are conversing in (bad grammar and all). Simply put, learn the language or take the boat back home, jerky.

Maybe businesses should start putting up signs that refuse service to people who can't speak English. Yeah, that's a tough stand. It's tough world. Quit bitching. Keep your religion, keep your customs, but dammit, speak to me in English.

And we didn't invade them because...?

So, have you been reading the news lately? Seems like Syria (tiny little country on the eastern side of the Mediterranean...go find a map, dumbass) was trying to build themselves a nuclear reactor. Unfortunately for them, the Israelis, as they always seem to do, found out and bombed the shit out it. It has come to light just recently that North Korea had a very strong hand in helping the Syrians out. Dubya's administration came out today saying they knew all about the nuclear reactor, going back several years.

Let me get this straight: A country with known ties to terrorists (Hezbollah) is building a NUCLEAR REACTOR that could be used to create one of those WMD bugaboos and Dubya does nothing? I'm sorry, but what was that bullshit we were fed five years ago about Saddam having WMDs? Oh wait, it turns out that whole scenario was a typo from the CIA ('course, Saddam did once have WMDs...Bush Sr. and Reagan GAVE THEM TO HIM in the 80's). Still, we invaded a sovereign nation because we were worried about some petty dictator having the ability to liquefy his enemies. So....why aren't we invading North Korea? They have a nuclear reactor. They have a nutcase for a leader (then again, so do we). They have threatened our allies (Japan and South Korea). Why aren't we in there kicking the shit out of those damn garlic eaters? (Read Shogun for the origin of that derogatory slang term) Oh, that's right...they have China on their side. You know, China? Land of a billion gooks and possessor of one of the worlds largest nuclear arsenals? Yeah, I could see how it might be a bad idea to start picking on the snot nosed kid with a much larger older brother.

All of this points to the complete hypocrisy of the Bush administration. We were told that Iraq has ties to Bin Laden, that Saddam has WMDs and he's not afraid to use them and that OUR NATIONAL SECURITY WAS AT STAKE. Well, how much of that shit has actually been proven? I'll vote Republican for the next fifty fucking years if someone, ANYONE, can show me where we found evidence that Saddam or one of his henchmen was in possession of a weapon of mass destruction that they created. Furthermore, I'll sign a petition to get Dubya elected President for life if someone can show me one ounce of evidence that Iraq was developing nuclear arms (They tried to do that in the 80's until Israel said, "Not in my backyard" and bombed the shit out of the Iraqi reactor. The Israelis are good at that sort of thing, it seems). Ties to Al Queda? Highly unlikely. Saddam was a secular Muslim, meaning that he gave the merest of lip service to his religion. There is no way he would tolerate a fanatic like Bin Laden and most certainly vice versa.

So now we have revelations about Syria. Was Dubya afraid to pull the trigger and launch an invasion of a tiny little country because he was afraid of getting his nuts caught in the wringer again? If there was actual, cannot-dispute-it proof, why the fuck wasn't he holding press conferences and screaming at the UN to do something? Perhaps it's because Syria, like North Korea, has a big brother too. This one is called Iran. And, because of their oil reserves, they can pretty much tell us to fuck off and we have to like it.

Yeah, there is no way to undo the past and all that. But we can damn well learn from our mistakes and make sure this shit doesn't happen again. The next time we're fed some story about the evils of another nation threatening us, don't buy it. Especially if it comes from some shit kicking Texan with a propensity to mispronounce words.

Aren't we just a little too sensitive?

I think the victim culture that has pervaded the country for the last few decades has got to go.

Take this latest example:
http://news.aol.com/story/_a/judge-orders-la-school-district-to-stop/n20080423183309990001?ecid=RSS0001

Evidently, a high school girl didn't feel comfortable saying no to a free bible in front of her friends. She was afraid of being labeled a "devil worshipper". So the ACLU (an organization that is strictly hit and miss with me. This instance qualifies as a resounding miss) sues the school board to tell the bible thumpers they can't hand out their Gideon bibles anymore. Seriously?

Haven't we gone just a bit overboard with the whole church/state thing? Don't get me wrong, I do believe that there should be some limits to church and state interacting, but getting your panties in a twist for passing out bibles? This is beyond ridiculous. This is taking what was meant to be a safeguard against government sponsorship of a specific religion and turning it into a whipping post for anyone who has a grudge against organized religion. Yes, I could see someone having an issue with a specific religion or organization that is religious and how it affects their child. But just because I don't want some low-rent mullah telling my son about the glories of Islam doesn't mean that I should go sue the school board for letting it happen.

Seriously, people; let it go. It's okay if Junior comes home with some questions about the Greek Orthodox Church and your family is practicing Southern Baptists. Or if little Anne Marie decides to attend the FCA study group, despite the fact that you have raised her agnostic. We all need to stop feeling so threatened by every last little thing that enters our life.

Hey, I don't think I cursed once in that post! Shit fire and save the matches, I better fuckin' fix that shit right now! Ah, better.

Idiot shoppers

What has my panties in a twist this time? Idiot shoppers. I know that's a broad catch-all, but that term sums up my feelings perfectly.

Who are these people? Where do they come from? How do we get rid of them, permanently?

These are the people who stand two abreast in the middle of the aisle, while they debate the merits of organic versus all-natural. Pick one and fucking move! Or the lady who stands with the freezer door open for 5 minutes while she browses the low calorie frozen food (this lady already weighs 300 pounds and has half the cart filled with movie theatre popcorn and coke). Then there are those people who dart out into traffic and glare at you if you don't come to a screeching stop. But the GED idiots that really piss me off are those jacklop assholes that bring a completely filled cart to the self serve checkout station and then proceed to clusterfuck the hell out of the machine until it finally stops working. Firstly (is that a proper adverb? Fuck you, it is now), why are you slowing up the self checkout stations with your 493 items? Yes, I know that those stations aren't specifically to customers with 5 items or less but when I'm on a quick in and out for a loaf of bread, waiting on you to scan 50 cans of low salt green beans is irksome. Secondly, learn to use the damn machine! Start slow, maybe a Kit Kat or something else that your overweight fat ass doesn't need. Continuing to push buttons just because you fucked it up doesn't work either. There is a reason for the friendly cashiers at the other stations. They, unlike you, have completed high school and can operate a cash register. Finally, these idiots can't seem to even follow instructions on paying for their damn useless shit. Insert cash or select payment type. Okay, why are you trying to use a gift card (with a zero balance, no less) as a debit card? Use cash, jerky, and save us all the embarrassment of your dumbass trying to live life like a visa commercial.

Is it just me or are there more and more people from the shallow end of the gene pool trying to dive in with the rest of us? At the rate these idiots seem to be multiplying, I'm going to have to start siding with those creationist/intelligent design folks. 'Cause evolution is obviously a big fucking joke if we haven't sent these idiot shoppers to the evolutionary clearance aisle, right next to the Neanderthals and TV evangelists.

Drive through idiots

So let's get this party started right!

Can someone tell me when customer service fell off the face of the earth? It seems inconceivable to me that with a recession going on, the best employees that a place of business can hire just happen to be people who barely qualify as mildly retarded.

I know that many fast food restaurants are entry level, but what level of entry are we talking about here? Special Olympics?

Case in point: My wife was at work and wanted me to get her some food. She gave the fast food joint she wanted and the order. I hustled down and placed my order to which I was given a response of, "What?" Not, "I'm sorry, I didn't get your order" or "Could you please repeat that?" but "What?" Then, after repeating my order and waiting the requisite five minutes to get my food, I find that my order was filled incorrectly. I informed the food parcel worker of the error to which she responded with a resounding, "Oh." That's it. No, "I'll get that fixed for you" or "Sorry for the inconvenience". Just "Oh." When I informed her that I would like my order corrected, she disappeared for FIVE FUCKING MINUTES. I sat there waiting and waiting, like some witless looby on prom night that got stood up. Finally, in disgust, I drove off.

Seriously people, this is a sad state of affairs. We really need to start demanding better customer service from our eating establishments or it will get to the point to where we're just driving up, giving them money and leaving with no food.

Hello and shut the fuck up!

This is not a blog for the faint of heart or sensibilities. There will be more F-bombs dropped around here than ticks on a dog's ass. I will offend you. Repeat: I WILL offend you. Maybe intentionally, maybe not. But I guarantee that something I say will have you up in arms.

This is my own personal place of zen, my catharsis temple, as it were. This is were I unload all the shit that has me pissed off, from Dubya to that ignorant motherfucker who can't get my order right at Sonic. Do I need some psychiatric help? Prolly, but the blog is cheaper.

So, if you are a regular at any of my other blogs, you will notice that the tone of this one is and will be much, much more cynical. And who knows? Maybe I'll get your ass to laugh now and then.

Welcome aboard and don't say I didn't warn you.